The onslaught that is known as the U.S. Presidential Election is upon us whether we want to think about it or not. Actually, there in lies the problem - most Americans don't have enough time. They don't have enough time to research the candidates' stance on major issues like gas, the Iraq War, and the economy. Most Americans don't even have enough time to sleep, let alone educate themselves on who should hold the most powerful position in our great country. Also, it's sad to say, but most Americans would rather know about Brittney Spears' kaleidoscope of crazy or what Fantasy Football player they should draft for the upcoming season. It's a beaten, beaten dead horse, but the truth is Americans seek instant gratification and beauty products, while knowledge about politics falls by the wayside. It is this type of lifestyle that leads most Americans to base their election votes on the simplest of reasons - the presidential candidate's looks.
Throughout history, we've seen lesser candidates defeat their competition because of full body hair, charismatic eyes and plastic smiles with enough wattage to keep the majority of red and blue states lit. Look at the men who have led our country. George Washington was a good-lookin' chap, a rock-star before there were rock-stars, sporting a long ponytail and Bono-type confidence. Then there was Abraham Lincoln. He wore a goat-tee and a cool hat. And finally, there was the ultimate pretty boy president of them all - JFK. It is widely known he defeated the evil emperor himself, Richard Nixon, because of the inaugural television debates. While Nixon looked like a werewolf at dusk, JFK was a modern-day King Arthur, a man whose own Excalibur were powerful speeches and blinding optimism. Basically, the outcome came down to looks, not experience and that's what is going to happen during this year's presidential election.
My father, a proud Republican, once said, “John McCain will never be a president…he's too much of a runt.” Now, my father is a kind, good-hearted man, so he didn't mean anything mean by his statement - he was just speaking the truth. It is for this simplest of reasons that Barack Obama will be the forty-fourth president of the United States. Obama is sleek and suave, a beacon of light and beautiful teeth. Yes, he symbolizes the change most Americans are seeking, but basically he fits the presidential mold better than the ruddy-faced McCain. Obama may be less experienced. He may not have the foreign affairs chops that McCain has, but he's got a sultry voice and he's a sexy bastard (at least that's what the chicks say).
So, you heard it here first - Barack Obama will be taking the presidential oath next January because he's better looking than John McCain. God bless America and God bless good-looking men (by the way Hillary, that's why you lost - you're not a very good looking man).
