This past Friday evening, I lazily turned on the television to witness the belatedly confirmed Presidential debate between the Democratic candidate Barack Obama and his Republican equal John McCain. The debate was a confirmation that, indeed, the race was not being run between Barack Obama and Sarah Palin. What ensued, however, was not an interesting battle of morals, ideologies, foreign policies, economics, or plans-instead, a war of “He said this…I'm telling!” raged. Poor Jim Lehrer spent the debate reprimanding the boys for not talking to each other, and I (along with many other curiously attentive and concerned Americans) wondered in the juvenescence of our potential leaders.
The following list is a compilation of debate highlights-complete with tantrums, double takes, and uneasily unsure responses. Enjoy, my fellow Americans, enjoy.
Highlight #1:
McCain: “And I'll tell you, I had a town hall meeting in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, and a woman stood up and she said, "Senator McCain, I want you to do me the honor of wearing a bracelet with my son"s name on it.'
And I said, "I will - I will wear his bracelet with honor."”
Obama: “Jim, let me just make a point. I've got a bracelet, too.”
Arguing over bracelets? I'm glad diamonds are your best friends, too, girls.
Highlight #2:
Obama: “Last year, I wrote to the secretary of the Treasury to make sure that he understood the magnitude of this problem and to call on him to bring all the stakeholders together to try to deal with it.”
Barack Obama, fresh from a summer calligraphy camp, wrote a letter to the secretary of the Treasury. How very forceful and determined you are, B. I hope you used your nice stationery and gel pens. But I do have a question, Obama: Was there possibly some other form of communication you could've used…hmm…I'm thinking of something that's public…rhymes with peaches…speeches? If only there was some kind of technology that connected people through…I don't know…fiberoptics? Something that allows them to…what is it…speak to each other? But do keep letter writing as a hobby-your penmanship is beautiful.
Highlight #3:
Obama: “This orgy of spending…is, you know, kind of hard to swallow.”
That's what she said.
Obama: “This is a mischaracterization of my position.”
What's the real characterization of your position? Be explicit. Reverse cowgirl? Listen, Barack: Get your head in the game and your mind out of the gutter.
Highlight #4:
Lehrer: “Are you going to vote for the plan, Senator McCain?”
McCain: “I - I hope so. And I…”
Lehrer: “As a United States senator…”
McCain: “Sure.”
Lehrer: “… you're going to vote for the plan?”
McCain: “Sure.”
I don't know about you, but I take solace in the fact that we have a candidate who's steadfast and resolute…I think…
Highlight #5:
McCain: “The average South Korean is three inches taller than the average North Korean, a huge gulag.”
I'll let you think this calendar-worthy quotation over.
However, in his defense, John McCain must have forgotten that a “gulag,” according to the Oxford American Dictionary, is “a system of labor camps maintained in the Soviet Union from 1930 to 1955 in which many people died.” Don't worry though, Johnny Boy. At least your memory retained that fact of Korean height difference…In no way do you reflect your age…
Highlight #6:
“…Talk to each other about it.”
Lehrer: “Say it directly to him.”
Obama: “I do not think that they are.”
Lehrer: “Say it directly to him.”
Obama: “Well, the - John, 10 days ago, you said that the fundamentals of the economy are sound. And…
McCain: Are you afraid I couldn't hear him?”
Lehrer: “I'm just determined to get you all to talk to each other.”
Don't be afraid to share feelings, kiddies. Talk to each other like big boys or you'll go to the corner. Don't make Papa Lehrer angry!
Highlight #7:
Obama: “$700 billion, potentially, is a lot of money.”
Other shocking revelations:
AIDS, potentially, is fatal.
The Earth, potentially, is spherical.
Barack Obama, potentially, wants change.
Conclusion:
Please, please, please, America, vote wisely. Do research. Remember that there are more candidates than the over-publicized ones. Let's not have a repeat of the last gulag…I mean the last eight years.
