My husband and I visit Europe a lot. Most particularly, Spain. Lately I've been thinking about why I always feel more comfortable there then at home. It's something I've always sensed but never really took time to analyze. When we were younger the assumption was it had to do with romantic notions about the countries themselves, and the freedom one feels, for two weeks at least, in getting away from the harsh realities of life in the work-a-day world. As I get older, though, I'm beginning to see things in a different light. The conclusion is not comforting.
I've never liked being called “Senior Citizen.” Frankly I see it as a contrived designation meant to make older people feel they still matter in a youth dominated culture. The term as defined is a euphemism for persons who have reached a certain age. It is most often used for legal or policy-related purposes to determine who is eligible for certain benefits. Fine. From my experience, however, the term equals a generic benchmark to describe people “over the hill,” which translated means persons of diminished capacity in almost every sense you can think of, including mental (i.e., “senior moment.”) I wish they'd never come up with it. If anything it plants a subliminal message in the minds of those, not too far above the age of reason, to sort of, how shall I put it, condescend to have us in their mist.
“Nice oldster. Now go collect your check and early bird discounts and ride quietly into the sunset.” My status as a professional person with credentials up the wazoo seems to have no bearing on my secondary status as a woman of 67-although most say I don't look it but who cares.
Given this I've figured out why I feel more comfortable in Spain than in my native Pennsylvania. The whole thing comes down to old world attitudes toward-pardon the pun-- older people.
On our last visit to Barcelona I sat for a long while watching a young boy of perhaps fifteen sitting on a bench along the Ramblas with an older gentleman. The boy seemed fixated on whatever the gentleman was saying. Maybe they were talking about his studies, his relationship with the opposite sex, his future. Whatever the topic, the youngster was engaged with his older counterpart. Face it. The fact he was even sitting there on a Saturday afternoon with this person speaks volumes about young Spain's regard for wisdom and life experience. I watched with certain whimsy as they eventually got up and walked arm in arm down the Ramblas, thinking further that it was something I'd rarely see in the U.S.
But alas we are not in Spain. So the issue then becomes, how does one remain relevant as the years go on in a culture fixated on youth? (No. plastic surgery isn't the answer.) How do we keep from becoming obsolete to our own families, to society, and in the end, to ourselves? Let me offer some suggestions that have worked for me.
Be careful about retiring too early and check your motives. If it's just about leisure, you may be in trouble. Leisure can mean different things to different people. If for you it means “not having to do anything,” you could be one of the many retirees that find themselves with too much time on there hands. Many of these types end up TV junkies.
Keep on working. At least consider it, or a part time version of what you already do. My own father made the mistake of retiring when expected. After the dinner and the gold watch, all he pretty much did was stare at his gold watch. A man who took tremendous pride in his work, he was never quite the same after that.
If you do retire, make an extensive list of activities you can become involved in beforehand. Fill those golden years with productive hobbies, volunteer work, or be that vital support for working family members who could use your help with children.
Keep abreast of the times. Read, read, read. Or, if you're not a reader, find others ways to keep on top of what's going on in the world. Public radio stations are a great source of interesting topics, and you don't have to sit down and watch in order to benefit. Personally, I like to dazzle my younger counterparts in conversation with my knowledge of topics they've never even heard of. It's a hoot and great for the ego.
Keep fit. Exercise. Joining a gym is a good way to keep healthy and to participate in an activity with a room full of people of all ages. Caution: don't try to be a Mandelbaum (you Seinfeld aficionados will get that reference.) Keep the exercise within your physical limits.
Avoid isolating yourself in groups that do not include younger people. Retirement communities, while economically and socially beneficial to older people, tend to encourage withdrawal from the culture at large. Once inside their exclusive walls, little gets in, and little gets out.
Have parties and gatherings and invite people of various ages. It'll keep you hip and them from becoming isolated in their own youthful age cliques.
Don't be reluctant to make a friend just because they are younger. It's a good way to keep up with current attitudes.
Avoid the old fogy identity by resisting temptation to criticize all the younger generation hold dear. Act interested, even if you're not. You never know what you'll learn.
Finally, don't be intimidated by people who try to use your age against you. I'm still working as a freelance writer and earning a sizeable living doing so. Recently, I had lunch with a colleague who jokingly referred to me as, “Mother.”
“And what will Mother have,” he grinned. The waiter kind of frowned. Responding as if I didn't hear him, I ordered my lunch. When the waiter left I found a good opening both to tell him something I'd been meaning to, and to get even with him for his thoughtless remark.
“Oh, by the way, Pat (my husband) and I are off to Spain next month.” My colleague frowned. We had several projects lined up. Glancing up, I popped a maki roll in my mouth and grinned. “Mother gets around.”
