Even the most politically inept people can follow a good political witch-hunt. Any avid watcher of The Daily Show or The Colbert Report can get the jokes without knowing the basis. For example, how many of the people reading this very article can tell me who Scooter Libby or Alberto Gonzalez are, never mind why they're on TV? Can anyone tell me which one of those two people are corrupt? Which one is the scapegoat for the Bush administration? Or even which one looks like Edward James Olmos?
There's nothing the matter with a good witch-hunt, don't get me wrong; how else do we weed out the enemies of the state? However, people who think they understand the situation are eating-up these hearings. Every time an investigation committee gathers, it seems like the liars and idiots are put forth to face them. My point is people being investigated should get smart. If a committee is organized to monitor and investigate your actions, put your smartest people forward and defend yourself! Although you probably are a corrupt maniac, don't add insult to injury by having the country's retards protect you.
What makes these hearings even more ridiculous is due process. Yes, we should use it, but it generates a very lengthy investigation thus buying time for whoever is being investigated. A good, well-rounded investigation takes months! So if in that time you can't get your act together, you deserve the punishment you're dealt. The Salem witch trials used a more efficient version of due process; as in, “do you burn if I light you on fire?” You had better believe that if a witch trial lasted more than three minutes, the accused had a good defence. Imagine if our political witch-hunts went that fast. Good-bye government corruption.
If you're under investigation by a committee of your peers, organize a trail of evidence that leads to a group of good liars. Why not? What else is there to lose? On the other side of the coin, if you are in a committee that is investigating questionable the actions of your peers, do it fast. Ask yourself this: would you rather have something done in 2 minutes or 2 months? Why not pick the American way?
For your benefit, here are the differences between Witches (W) and Politicians (P):
W: Influences others with magical powers
P: Influences others with political connections
W: Has warts
P: Has jowls
W: Aged woman in rags
P: White male in business suit
W: Uses phrases such as: “needs more eye of newt”, “my cauldrons rusting” and “Hansel and Gretel, who?”
P: Uses phrases such as: “I don't know”, “Cut and Run”, “That's Confidential”, and “I did not have sex with that woman”
W: Cackles menacingly
P: Chuckles menacingly
W: Marinates small children before eating them
P: Kisses small children before eating them.
