'If the offence under Section 5(2) of the Crime Law Act relates to an imaginary crime,' countered Angelica, "Then why has my client been charge with it?
"The crime her client reported,' cried Watermelon in desperation, "was the imaginary part. The real offence was in reporting it."
'But he had to report the imaginary crime, "explained Angelica, "in order to commit the offence he's now charged with. In the same way John Smith had to break into the motor vehicle in order to steal it and Mary Muggins had to leave the shop with unpaid goods in order to commit the offence of shoplifting. It's really quite simple and I fail to see my Learned Friend's problem. A first year law student could follow it. If the police had, after acting on some false information, decided to do nothing further about it then they would indeed have wasted their time. If, however, they decided to use the time it took them to determine that the information was false to mount a prosecution, then that time would not have been wasted.'
'No, not completely wasted,' said Watermelon. "They managed to salvage something out of it."
Not completely, eh?' replied Angelica. "Maybe my Learned Friend can tell us precisely how much time was wasted?"
Watermelon had his reply ready. "The time spent on the false information."
Angelica smiled. "But if they hadn"t spent that time they wouldn't have known the information was false. And they wouldn't have known an offence had been committed. I ask my Learned Friend again...precisely how much time was wasted?'
A look of panic came over Watermelon's face. "Your Honor! Order her to stop. She"s doing my head in.'
At this point the Judge decided he'd had enough. "I see no point in discussing the term, “wasting police time.” Counsel for the Defence has demonstrated that this leads us into a circular argument. Whilst I agree that there appears to be a paradox here, I cannot allow her argument for I feel it would create a dangerous precedent. There would be anarchy. People would be wasting police time with impunity. No, I"m afraid I must overrule on this one. Should she attempt to present it to the jury I will instruct them to ignore it.'
The court reconvened. Realizing she wasn't about to make legal history, Angelica now had to ensure that her client wasn't convicted. So, once the Prosecution had rested their case, she announced that Edward would testify in the witness box. At first he'd refused to give evidence on his behalf. However, during recess for lunch, he had mysteriously changed his mind. The transcript shows what followed...
ROWAN-BERRY: Mr Tangerine, when the police charged you with wasting their time, what did you say to them?
TANGERINE: I told them I had no comment to make.
ROWAN-BERRY: In other words, you refused to answer their questions. As was your right.
TANGERINE: Yes.
ROWAN-BERRY: I see. And how did the police react to this?
TANGERINE: They said it would look like I had something to hide.
ROWAN-BERRY: And you did have something to hide. Tell me what happened on the night you left the Dun Cow after hearing about that bank robbery.
TANGERINE: I was abducted.
ROWAN-BERRY: And by whom were you abducted?
TANGERINE: By aliens.
WATERMELON: Your Honor, I really must protest! This is the first the Prosecution have heard of this!
ROWAN-BERRY: That is because I only learned of it myself just before my client decided to testify. Apparently he was too embarrassed to talk about it until now. May I continue, Your Honor?
JUDGE: By all means.
ROWAN-BERRY: I'm obliged, Your Honor. Now, Mr Tangerine. Could you describe, to the best of your knowledge, what happened to you?
TANGERINE: I was making my way across the common when I saw this light shimmering in the air above my head. It came from a large, saucer-like object, that was floating about forty feet from the ground. I knew what it was immediately. You see, I happen to be a member of the local UFO Spotters Club. It was obviously an inter-galactic vehicle operated by an advanced intelligent life form from another planet. Suddenly a hatch opened underneath it and this beam of light hit me.
ROWAN-BERRY: And what happened then?
TANGERINE: The beam of light transported me into the UFO.
WATERMELON: Your Honor! The Defendant is clearly making the whole thing up in the hope of pleading insanity.
ROWAN-BERRY: Really? Was my Learned Friend there the night my client walked across the common from the Dun Cow? If so, this has to be an amazing coincidence. What on earth was my Learned Friend doing there?
