Heaven - Sources inside Heaven have confirmed rumors that the upcoming apocalypse continues to face setbacks. The long awaited for destruction of the world and final battle between good and evil is now nearing its 2000th year since production began shortly after the completion of the Book of Revelations in the first century. “It's not an easy process” said a Seraph with ties to the Lord God. “There are plenty of people who would probably just throw some fire and brimstone together just to get it out faster, but God doesn't work that way. He knows he's only getting one shot at this, and he wants it to go perfectly. I mean, we're talking about the biggest set piece in the Universe, and the pressure to do it right is weighing heavily on the almighty”.
While God himself would not give an interview due to his infamously reclusive nature, some explanations for the long-gestating project's postponement have been leaked to the press. For one, the success and continued popularity of The Second World War has left The Divine Creator at a loss for ways to top himself. “World War II not only blew away its previous installment, but set a new creative high-water mark for God with its gripping storyline, colorful cast and epic scope” said theology scholar and Divine Art Critic Harold Aspell. “Even to this day we're still quoting our favorite Hitler and Churchill lines.”
In addition to the fear of his own critically-acclaimed legacy, insiders report that God is still trying to develop a story line that works to his satisfaction. “It seemed set in stone that Armageddon was getting a New Year's 2000 release, and we had all been marketing the shit out of that date for the fans. But then in November of 99' God scratches it and moves forward on production of 9/11 instead. Of course, this screws up everything because he'd have to redo the entire production. I mean, don't get me wrong, 9/11 was a great work to tide his fans over, but now the main event has to be completely redone.”
In spite of all the set-backs, God's fans are continuing to maintain good spirits, but many are expressing frustration as proposed release dates continue to fly by. “I know God really wants to end Earth with an event that will blow away all of his previous work” said Pat Robertson, one of God's most famous admirers “but this is really getting unbearable. At this point I just want to tell God to run with whatever he's got, even if it isn't perfect. I mean, it only took him seven days to make the Earth and everything on it, how long does he need to destroy it?”
In response to some of the reservations about the project, a press release has been issued from Heaven stating there is now a “tentative release date” for Summer of 2010.
