“Today, ladies and gentlemen, we have hidden cameras at the plush Brown Derby Restaurant in Hollywood. Here we are serving, incognito, prison food to the cosmos' cleverest cosmeticians. Join us as we record reaction to this lean cuisine and answer the question: Does food make the atmosphere, or atmosphere the food?
“Ah, there sits Max Factory. He fashioned fashion's eyes with his bold eyeliner line - "Long-lash," "Ultra-lash," "Ridicu-lash," and new "Whip-lash." He might lash out at us, but let's go over anyway and see how his dinner is.”
“Mr. Max Factory, what a pleasure to see you again! Why, yes, we've met. I worked to the max in your factory for ten years. Tarantula Department. I plucked spider hair for eyelashes that crawled back into place when they fell off. So, how's the meal? I agree. Only fresh fish would frenzy such fat flies. Well, got to go. Watch out for bones!”
“Well, blow dry me down! There's the "crème d"la rinse' himself, Vidal Baboon. He cleaned-up with a shampoo for every hair-- dry, normal, oily and now, "LaBrea Tar Pits"-- all with the same basic ingredients. Genius! He seems to like those prison meatballs; slammed "em down like so many greased golf balls. Now, dessert ( devil"s food cake) and , wow! He performs a sword swallowing act for guests while cramming cake! Wait, he didn't swish a sword, but a file. Some gray haired mother lonesome for her convict son, I reckon.
“What other make'em up for megabuck artists are here tonight? Oh, Christian Dior To Dior! To get started, Dior To Dior went door to door until he met Zsa Zsa Gabor. Together, they created new "Eleanor Rigby." Faces wore that are kept in a jar by the door. Now you never have to be plain old, Jane old, (YUK) you!
“Well kiss my karma, folks, a special treat. There's lips most likable, collagen's colorful, Mr. Revlawn! He took seed money and planted it in lip gloss:
shiny, glossy, and "Never Smear" which helps police I.D. you if you're murdered because your lips never decompose. Hey, look! Along with the seagul...uh, chicken dinner, Revlawn's enjoying a bowl of his new super gloss "Lip-Bite," which can be eaten or worn. Seems his guest, super model Cindy Crawfish, helped him apply some by pushing her bowl into his face. Super model shares super supper. Superlative!
“There you have it ladies and gentlemen. Not one who clamors for glamour complained about chow from the slammer. Not even Prince Matchabelly, whose belly cannot be matched. And about the prison who received Brown Derby food for the day? They rioted. So, American cook, whatever gender you be, remember: clean up the place, make up the face, but give 'em hot dogs and beans."
