Don't Quit Your Day Job: The 6 Dumbest Terrorists in History

Terrorism in general is not an issue to laugh about. That is a common consensus, but definitely not the case with these unsuccessful militants.

I've compiled here six videos showing terrorists getting what they deserve when trying to carry out their suicide missions. Out of the six videos, there are three real ones and three funny fabricated ones. Don't get me wrong, terrorism, war, death, and crime are all horrible. The world would sure be a much much nicer place without terrorists, but they're here and we have do deal with that fact.

Am I such a horrible person if I laugh a little at the unsuccessful ones? I think not. If we can laugh at presidents, heads-of-state, tree-huggers and basically anybody else who proclaims to be doing something for the general good and occasionally screws up in the process, then we can definitely laugh at dumb terrorists who can't even do the most simple devious tasks like, I don't know, maybe blowing themselves up?

I Knew I Should Have Checked the Batteries Before Leaving Home...

Here we can clearly see that this woman obviously skipped the course “Triggering Mechanisms 101.” She was stopped at a border checkpoint because she was suspected of attempting to carry out a suicide bombing. Eventually the intelligence payed off and she was asked to strip her clothes off and dismantle the bomb.

Everything was going along smoothly until she decided that the women in prison are not exactly her type. So one little prayer, pull the rip cord, kill the infidels and heaven here I come, right? Wrong! Next time you decide to “go out in a bang” remember to:

• Never build a bomb that you got the plans for from Instructables.
• Check your batteries before leaving home.
• Never skip “Triggering Mechanisms 101.”

Damn World War II Ammunition!

That's got to sting! No matter what we do in life, each and every one of us gets affected by budget cuts, but in this line of work it's simply a matter of life and afterlife with 72 virgins. Even so, I'd tend to stick with more updated weaponry.

I have a few rules for trying to shoot a mortar, which I obviously do every morning after a healthy breakfast:

• The shell itself has to be “younger” than me.
• I do not use shells I got in exchange for a sheep/camel.
• Get someone else to shoot for me...

Yeah, Lets Get the Skinny Dude to Launch the Rocket!

I am all for delegating responsibilities to others, but when it comes to shooting an old $6, second-hand, rocket launcher purchased from the Russians – you need someone as stable as an oak tree instead of the twig we see here. That's like giving Paris Hilton a cannon and expecting her to shoot in the right direction. Dude grow some arms. I wonder who's ingenious idea this was...

That is One Pissed-Off Suicide Bomber – But He's Absolutely Right!

Jesus this guy is jaded, no wonder he wants to die. Don't get me wrong, but I completely agree with what he said about “Prison Break” and about people holding their cell phone while having an ear piece connected. That's right my friend, just let it all out, but be careful when you sneeze.

I have a feeling that he may have had a “Suicide Bombing High” with the lady from the first video.

The Terrorist's Guide to the Desert: All Terrorists Must Wear Belts!

It doesn't matter if you're holding a gun to my head and are about to kill me, chop my head off and drink my blood – I will still find a way to embarrass you! Didn't you read “The Terrorist's Guide to the Desert”? Where is your freakin' belt?

Who's a Sensitive Terrorist?

I totally understand the dude. After all, he studied at Cairo University. So condescending, completely understandable. I'd definitely shoot the reporter.