Picture the Polar Bear family. You know the ones I mean, Mamma Bear and her two cubs, they're standing on an ice flow, roaring forlornly at the cameraman who's bringing their plight to your attention. They are begging to be saved before they drown, presumably in water running about the same temperature as your swimming pool. It's up to US, sitting in our homes miles distant from this scene, to save these bears, which apparently can be achieved by donating money to one eco-cause or another, but we'd better hurry, because the caring crew with the cameras on site isn't even going to try!
For those of you who have never been up close and personal with one of these animals, they are huge! Your average Polar Bear weighs in at many hundreds of pounds and can swim up to 200 miles in liquid Freezies™. If they are drowning, it's because they didn't have the sense to get off the berg in time and rode it too far south. If it's a matter of starving as they drift around on that popsicle platform, they should've considered what a tasty treat the camera crew could've been. Survival of the fittest! Something of the same sort happened to many of our own ancestors, when the Bering Bridge fell out from beneath their feet. There just wasn't any body documenting doomsday then, but it does suggest that we've been down this road before. Also, we weren't as fuzzy and definitely not as cute as Polar Bears, so nobody would've cared!
However, if the plight of the Polar Bears, or the ones cited above, at any rate, aren't sufficient to convince you of impending doom, there are many other examples. Consider the picture of the scientist swimming at the North Pole that was published in many reputable papers last Spring. The photograph showed the image of a middle-aged man wearing a Speedo™ (and nothing else!) in mid dive off the edge of an ice flow. You could see an ice covered island across a stretch of gray open water, which the accompanying story stated the professor paddled to over a 15 minute time span! Now, compare this with those pictures that turned up at the beginning of January, only six months' before, showing local Polar Bear Club members, also wearing Speedos™, in places like Moscow, Montreal and Moosecotasing, emerging from frozen rivers and lakes, looking to a man like a blueberry Popsicle Pete ™! Are you getting scared yet! Listen, Leonardo DiCaprio lasted less than three minutes in those very same waters, even though he was fully clothed, only 95 years earlier, as the Titanic sank in the background, the victim of an iceberg which had broken off the glaciers of Greenland, due to Global Warming!
Imagine if this trend continues!
- The ancient vision of the Northwest Passage would come to pass, as the ice shelf melts, revealing open water from East to West, giving easy access to potentially polluting oil and gas fields, which might prolong a dependency on petroleum
- Water levels would rise, due to the melting ice fields, swelling creeks and rivers into raging torrents that could be potential sources of power, thereby fueling industries that would reap further devastation on the world's resources
- Santa Claus might take to wearing a Speedo™
It may be an inconvenient truth, but the long-range implications of Global Warming are hideous to contemplate. Northern climates would bask in year round warmth and young women would dress in summer clothes 365 days of the year. Future generations will miss out on the character building experience of walking miles to school in a blizzard. And what about parents of young children? They'll miss out on the experience of bundling up their kiddies in Kapoc™ only to have them squeal that they “have to go!”. Middle America would be faced with the problem of Polar Bears wandering aimlessly down the streets in search of a new habitat and food supply, while Canadians would be forced to take up a new national sport, like beach hockey. So when you are contacted by The Friends of Polar Bears for Peace, or some such charity dedicated to the reversal of Global Warming, dig deep and give generously. Give Global Cooling a chance!
