I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty sick and tired of the politicians and their constant negative ads. Every other day you hear some scandal attack ad like:
“FLASH!! Senator up for re-election has been arrested, caught in a hotel room with six midget strippers, five gallons of whipped cream, two boxes of Cheez-Its and playing Barry White albums backwards, listening to subliminal karma sutra messages. Do you want THIS PERVERT running the center for missing and exploited children?”
I used to wonder if dirt could be any dirtier than it is, but watching the Republicans and Democrats go at it this year, I'm happy. You see, I know two things:
- I fled like a rat off a sinking ship when I joined a new grass roots political alternative: The Boston Tea Party
- I have found a way to keep myself entertained through the bogus lies and mud slinging by playing “Butthole Bingo”.
What's “Butthole Bingo”, you might ask? Well, it's a new take on an old game that a lot of bored people play in college. Here's how it works:
At the top of the card ( click here for an example ), you write down five hot topic issues of the political day. Along the left hand margin, you write down the names of five politicians that aggravate the stuffing out of you. Now when they take over your television set and bump “Gray's Anatomy” or “Desperate Housewives” off the air, you can pull out your “Butthole Bingo” card and start matching up the obnoxious loud mouth with the hot topic they're ranting and raving about.
For example:
Sen. John Warner has come back from Iraq and advocates setting up a timetable to get out. He's also behind Public Law 109-364 , which has given Bush the power to override Constitutional law by giving the President the power to control and deploy National Guard troops to quell domestic protests (which are also under the Constitution as a guaranteed right). If you look at the “Butthole Bingo” card, neither issue matches up, so you can't mark the card. Too bad, so sad!
Then Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld makes news by saying on a radio show that the terrorists are trying to sway the elections with more attacks, so as to scare voters away from Republican candidates.
Well, there's a “Rummy” spot and a “Bogus Terrorism Threat” square, so you're in luck! You run your finger down from the top issue line and from the left to right, run your finger over and find the intersecting point. That's where you put your “Butthole Bingo” marker. I suggest you get a big brown marker for this game.
To be fair, I carried over the “FREE SPACE”, but of course it needed slight modification considering the dark storm clouds of political takeover on the horizon. It's now called the “FREE SPACE…like this country used to be”.
People have asked me, “what if I don't want to use those politicians and those issues?” That's easy! Print yourself a blank version of the card, which can be found here .
As for prizes? You could make bets with your friends for cash, dinners, movies, or free beers! It's all up to the imagination of your group!
Have fun playing “Butthole Bingo!”
Other quazen.com articles by this writer can be found here , relijournal.com articles here , and picable.com images here . If you enjoyed this article, consider digging it with others.
