Vote for Jesus! He will wipe away all your sins!
Born the son of a carpenter and a virgin, Jesus had an unorthodox education in the early 1st century with his travels around the Middle East. Originally born in Bethlehem, he traveled to Palestine to begin his occupation as a preacher.
Today, he has come back from the dead to run for President of Planet Earth. With millions of followers and fund raisers and all the people he has helped over the past 2000 years, he is the front runner for President of Planet Earth.
But not trailing far behind is Lucifer - the fallen angel from Heaven traveling the Earth since the beginning of time. He too has his own following albeit a much smaller and more anonymous/unknowing follower ship. When asked about his disciples, Mephistopheles said the following: "I don't like preaching and telling stories and giving 10 commandments to my pupils like my opponent. I prefer a more subtle approach with people coming to me because of temptations I have shown them. It is much better this way because then, I know I have true believers. They are acting out of their own self-interest."
When both candidates were questioned about the War in Iraq, both gave complete opposite answers. "I am a pacifist," stated Jesus. "I want the war to end now and I want all the troops to go home. If it doesn't end soon," Jesus continued, "I will end the war and bring peace to the region." These are mighty words for the Redeemer, but his past record in performing miracles shows that it may truly be possible.
"Support the troops and do not end the war!" retorted Satan. "We cannot just end the war now. It has already begun and if we end it now, everything we have worked for, will be all for naught." Satan continued, "Although I love seeing the death and destruction, there is not enough and these human beings have to figure out what they want to do with each other and what they want to do with the region. My only regret is that the rest of the world has not fully participated yet."
When asked about how much they have raised in funds, the Prince of Darkness proudly exclaimed "I have broken the one trillion dollar mark just yesterday. The funds have been raised through several CEO resignations, absconding from funds of NGO and non-profits, robbery/larceny, and penetration of bank computer systems." One Trillion - An impressive amount for the Beelzebub.
However, when asked how much he raised, the Savior simply showed a picture of the infinity sign. "I will never run out money because my money can be counted in the form of Love. The love of my followers for me is infinite."
The candidates are neck in neck prior to entering the Balkans caucuses. The pundits say that if Jesus pulls away with the Balkans Caucus and then the Latin American Caucus, it might be all downhill from there for Lucifer. Whatever the result, we are in for a truly exciting race in 2008, the year of our Lord - or could it be, the year of our Supreme Commander of Hell. Who knows? But the Milky Way Galaxy Channel will keep you updated.
