In a startling article, published in the November 28 th Journal of American Medical Sexuality , scientists claim a 10-year study of 4,400 male and female participants clearly points to dangerously elevated risks of developing a number of neurological problems, including, but not limited to: Early-Onset Dementia, Parkinson's Disease, any number of Psychotic Disorders, not to mention an unheard of decrease in I.Q. points, with a mean loss of roughly 52 points per participant ( Peretz , 2006), as well as a decreased life span, with compulsive masturbaters having an average life span of 46 years ( Croft and Benton , 2004).
Chief Research Scientist, Dr. Limon Peretz , of The South Bay National Clinic for Sexuality , largely credited with the discovery of the so-called “nympho-gene,” says he is, “Not one bit surprised.” Dr. Peretz realized the apparent decline in high-cognitive functioning, only 2 years into the study, claiming, “when you have college graduates losing their minds due solely, and obviously, to masturbating, you're knowing that things aren't going to look too pretty in a few years.” This article is a work of fiction, lucky for you, pervert. Why don't you stop looking porn, and go to church? Why don't you give money to charity every time you masturbate? I hope your conscience makes you cry every time you masturbate.
You admit that the article is a work of fiction so what exactly is the point?
You want people to give money to charity every time they masturbate? Why would they be in a position to give more money to charity after they masturbate? Why do you want them to feel guilty for doing something perfectly normal?
Perhaps you should look into the effects of not masturbating. It has driven many catholic priests into paedophilia which I would suggest is much worse.