Should English be the Official Language of the US?

Satirical essay on why English should be the official language of the U.S.

Is that what we are trying to say? Is this a subtle way for legislators/politicians to say that they are uncomfortable hearing other languages, so let us make English the official language? This will ensure a greater probability that more people shall speak English. And it they do not, if it is heard that people living in the U.S. are speaking another language, then they can be arrested by the Language Police. Or, if another language is heard in the street, then I can proudly say, "Hey you! Stop speaking Spanish! English is the official language in this country. If you don't like it, you can go home!

Of course this is not what our elderly statesmen are trying to convey to the American public. They are just trying to say that in the classroom and when business is being conducted, English should be spoken.

So in a predominantly Middle Eastern neighborhood where there are many people speaking Arabic or Farsi, bilingual education classes should be eliminated no matter what kind of progress they are making with the youth; and even if the youth are able to learn the English language more quickly with a bilingual classroom. Sorry Akhmed. You are out of luck.

Let us visit the boardroom now. Listen Mr. CEO of a large multinational multimillion dollar company. I do not like you speaking Mandarin or Cantonese to me, even if I understand it and I can speak it, you better learn English when we do business here in America or I will not take your Renminbi. The Securities and Exchange Commission will audit you and enforce the English language law to make sure your company complies. Haven't you heard of the Sarbanes Oxley English Act? It was drafted for your Hong Kong ass, so learn the language or get out of the country!

This is such a terrific idea. Please call and write your elected officials to get the corresponding Congressional bills re-submitted and voted upon. And tell them to vote "Yes" for English to be the official language of the United States - the multiethnic, multicultural 200+ country melting pot/mosaic of a country. This will show those damn immigrants how strong we are as a nation and how important our native language is and should be to us and everyone else.

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Comments (1)
#1 by shaun ashcroft
Feb 26, 2008
Thanks Joe,
I was in Italy once at the hotel desk when this guy pipes up in a very loud voice, " Does anyone speak American here?" Maybe that should be the chosen language as it only closely resembles English at times.
Just jossin'
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