Cooper: Okay everyone, let's start this so I get home already. Our first question is from a New Yorker.
Ernie Nardi: This is Ernie Nardi from Dyker Heights in Brooklyn, New York, with a question for the ex-Mayor Giuliani. Will you send illegal immigrants away?
Giuliani: Well you see, I was mayor during the world trade center attacks on 9/11. And on 9/11 2001, during the world trade center attacks, I was mayor. And also on 9/11, during the world trade center attacks, in 2001, I was mayor.
Cooper: uhh well, I guess that's true…Governor Romney?
Romney: Illegal immigrants did NOT work in my mansion. Well they did, but I didn't know it. It's impossible to know who's an illegal immigrant and who's not. But Giuliani should have known.
Cooper: Senator Thompson?
Thompson: I was on law and order. I played the district attorney. And I'm a nice old man.
Cooper: I don't see how that matters, but here's a new question.
YouTube question: Is there a council of Foreign Relations that wants to merge Canada with the US and Mexico?
Cooper: Congressman Paul?
Paul: Yes. They're all out to get us. Even our own government. They want to build a giant evil super-highway, merging us all together so that illegal immigrants can use it to come into our country. The only way to stop a corrupt government is to get rid of it completely.
Cooper: I guess it's true, you are crazy. Next question.
Emily: Federal spending is too high, which 3 programs would you cut spending for?
Paul: Education, Energy, and Homeland Security. We need fewer education in this country, which education system is already great, like such as the Iraq and the Asian countries. . Public schools have never been gooder so we should help the US like such as the Government is bad, and the gold standard can help our children and will help our economy. For our children.
Cooper: Wow, you weren't kidding about being insane. Our next question comes from Ronald Lanham.
Ronald Lanham: Do you support the elimination of the federal income tax in favor of a national retail sales tax, also known as the fair tax? Thank you.
McCain: If we give up on the Iraq war, Hitler will come back into power. Anyone who wants to end the Iraq war loves Hitler. Just like democrats.
Cooper: No wonder you lost your campaign advisors. Next question is on taxes.
Governor Norquist: Will you promise to never raise taxes? Really really?
Everybody but Hunter: Never, taxes are bad!
Hunter: But what if you need to raise them during a national emergency?
Everybody but Hunter: HAHAHA yah right, like that could ever happen.
Cooper: Too bad Hunter, just the idea of raising taxes has cost you the election. Next question.
YouTube question: What will you do to stop blacks from killing eachother?
Romney: Give them moms and dads, teach kids not to kill each other. I'm against gun control, so the older ones can umm, well…just keep killing each other; eventually they'll all be gone.
Cooper: Now a topic that will make you all go nuts. Abortion.
Journey: If we outlaw abortion what will you do to punish the women who do get abortions?
Cooper: you have 90 seconds to side-step this question.
Paul: I dunno, it's not my job!
Cooper: Classic side-step. Well done. Next question.
AJ: Would you make abortion illegal all across the country?
Everyone; I dunno, it's not my job!
Cooper: Now with this question, let's see some real side-stepping!
Tyler: Would Jesus be in favor of the death penalty?
Huckabee: Jesus isn't in office, Duh.
Cooper: Well that was pointless. What a bunch of crazy old white guys. I'm going back to Sesame Street; at least they made some sense there.
