When a friend told me they had volunteered for the Red Cross and wanted a reference letter, I decided to make sure she wouldn't ask for another one in the future....
To: Whom it May Concern: Re: Linda F*******
Linda and i have known each other since our peace corp days in Ho Chi Minh city during the Vietnam War. During that time, despite our 18 hour days and the constant barrage of small artillery shelling, it was not unusual for me to awaken early to find linda already hard at work (since the cong usually stole and ate any dogs we kept for such purposes, Linda would often crawl on all fours and personally sniff out any land mines in the area of the 'small mammal and insect brunch buffet'. (We liked to keep it safe for the taiwanese hermaphrodite refugees we sheltered in our leprosy dorm when times got tough..... we found they were our best blood donors, as they always seemed to be bruised and bleeding anyway, and they didnt mind a needle in the arms or between the toes).
Once we got back to the states and detoxed from our 3mg/day opium habits, Linda and I found reputable jobs assisting the underground economy in a courier capacity for a local maker of loans. We often redirected some of the ill gotten gains towards our local soup kitchen (so that the patrons could indulge their own 4mg/day heroin habits, and stay inebriated and passive long enough to stay out of the white neighborhoods).
Riding the wave of 80's materialism and greed, we quickly made new friends in the banking and finance industry and ruthlessly dominated all opponents in our quest to force capitalism on the bulk of ignorant masses. Despite a newfound cocaine habit and being convicted of felony fraud, i can assure you that four year stint in federal prison, and her subsequent forced lesbian experiences in no way dampened linda's enthusiasm towards helping those less fortunate. She soon arranged for about twenty of the local girls to live in the tenement nearby and entertain many of the business executives and street hustlers who crusied the neighborhood for drugs. She was always fond of the girls and often helped many of them return to their families. She euphamistically referred to it as "dumping that dead ho in the river".
In short, Linda has a long career in the volunteering vertical. Im sure that once the charges for smuggling and counterfeiting are dropped, and she's out on work-release, she will quickly make a major impact on your operations.
