Washington, D.C. - The wait is over! The choice has been made! After weeks of discussion, seven town meetings, and two fistfights between rival factions, Washington, D.C. has finally made a decision on the identity of its official mammal. It's the weasel.
“After we got to thinking about it,” said Gertrude Hanson, an Official Mammal Committee member, “we at the OMC came to the realization that the weasel was the perfect choice. Think about it for a tick. It doesn't matter where in the District of Columbia you find yourself, you're bound to see a weasel or two.”
Hanson went on to say that after extensive research, the committee found that most all of the elected officials in Washington were, in fact, weasels.
It had been a tight race from the start. The first idea pulled out of the proverbial suggestion box was the rat. While that was the early leader, it was soon eclipsed by the pig, which was in turn surpassed by the common ass.
“For a while there,” added committee co-member John Puff with a chuckle, “when the voting was over and we were getting ready to tally the votes, I really thought it was going to be the ass. There was tremendous grassroots support in that camp. I mean, I know in my heart that we are pretty much overrun with weasels here, but there are a lot of asses in Washington, too. Great big asses. And they pretty much all stink.”
Not everyone in the Capital City was thrilled about the choice, including animal rights activist Sunbeam Moonflower. “It's just not fair to these poor creatures. Everyone wants to point out all the negative stereotypes that have been attached to the weasel for eons. The true weasel has many redeeming characteristics, including an undying devotion to the others weasels in its pack . That's more than I can say for your run of the mill elected official.”
As the debate rages on, plans have already began on the first annual “Weasel Day” celebration. While a date has not been set, the theme for the parade will be “Weasels and Politicians are Vertebrates, Too!”
