Ventriloquists on the radio

Imagine if you will the bizarre image of ventriloquist Peter Brough marching into a radio station in the UK, in the 1950s complete with his puppet Archie Andrews, and setting up in a studio, ready for their performance. The bizarre, quaint, off-the-wall concept of delivering a ventriloquist act, with its purely visual humor, over the auditory medium of radio, clearly seemed like a good idea at the time – and no one ever picked up on it. Indeed the show picked up an impressive 15 million listeners.

Tell this to someone nowadays and you'll be met with a look of intense disbelief; but it's true. Thankfully the show eventually moved onto television, and just as well really, since paradoxes like ventriloquists performing on the radio run the risk of causing the universe to implode (along with traveling back in time and killing your father). In our series of unfortunate media moments, Archie Andrews' radio show kicks us off to a good start. Let us look at more media weirdness from across the decades.

Nudists and assault courses

In 2000, in celebration of World Naturist Day, Channel 5 and Yorkshire TV made the woeful decision to produce the UK's first ever naked game show; “Naked Jungle”. Keith Chegwin's career as a TV presenter was never quite the same after agreeing to present it. Thankfully it was a one-off edition, but nevertheless those who watched it claim mental scarring that may last their entire life time. The format of having all of the contestants, along with Chegwin himself, appearing entirely naked was supplemented in bad taste by its assault course format.

The contestants were all nudists and seemingly were also unfazed by this. Not so the general public, who were all quite upset by full frontal nudity, along with genitalia so suddenly and indecently being plonked onto their TV screens when before they could have relied on the TV stations to protect them from such debauch material. Needless to say it never happened again, and TV stations are nowadays back to previous levels of self censorship. The program and Chegwin were subsequently condemned in all the newspapers and in the House of Commons. Keith Chegwin has subsequently described his decision to present it as being the worst in his life.

Culture Secretary at the time said in the House of Commons: "We have noted in recent days a very considerable concern about some of the content on television, particularly in relation to Channel 5. Government cannot and should not, of course, directly intervene, but I believe that the broadcasters have a commercial and moral duty to take account of the views of the public and I urge them to do so." A Channel 5 spokesman told the press, “We're very surprised Keith Chegwin's private parts have generated so much interest.” Perhaps if Chegwin's private parts had remained private there would have been nothing to be surprised about.

Fair and balanced malicious gossip

Fox news; marching under the banner; “Real journalism, fair and balanced.” Rupert Murdoch has declared war on journalism, and the result is Fox News, a channel that is incapable of impartial news. While all news channels are colored by the prejudices of the countries in which they are based, Fox News takes prejudiced news to a whole new level by acting as the vehicle for one man's views.

Unlikely soap plots

The tortuously long running British soap opera, Coronation Street is no stranger to terrible plots, but managed to take the biscuit (no, the cake) for the most unlikely plot, ever, when over the course of a few years the same infant (Bethany Platt) was kidnapped on 3 different occasions, by 3 different people, all for 3 different reasons. Being abducted once in a lifetime is unlikely enough. What are the odds of that? How can viewers continue to suspend their sense of disbelief knowing this. Could it be that it's time to put this long running soap to bed, and out of its misery? Or perhaps it's part of a much wider plot arc where Bethany is revealed to have a birth mark in the shape of a 666, and will eventually bring death and destruction to the residents of Coronation Street. We can only hope and pray she does it soon.

Hollywood

There is nothing funnier than watching the Hollywood film and music studios only just getting into the swing of using one technology when suddenly it's replaced by another. After weeping blood laced tears over the lost profits from radio, and declaring theft and blue murder, and claiming that all the lost profits would stop music production, a deal was finally struck. Hollywood had only just started to relax after sorting that mess out when suddenly cassette tapes appeared, giving those at home the ability to record music from the radio and play it whenever they want.

Hollywood's British counterparts (the British Phonographic Industry (BPI)) took a hissy fit and came up with the immortal slogan: "Home Taping Is Killing Music" some time in the early 1980s. This British music industry trade group was terrified that the rise in cassette recorder popularity would mean that people would record music from the radio onto cassettes, thus causing a decline in record sales. The logo of a skull and crossbones formed from the silhouette of a cassette, followed by the words “And It's Illegal”. This logo became infamous and entered the public's imagination. Much parodied over the years, the best parody featured a sewing machine.

Unfortunately the home taping logo is copyrighted (surprise surprise), but this parody of it is better.

Though they were never terribly happy about them and tried to sue anything with a record button whenever the opportunity presented itself, Hollywood did eventually get used to tapes. They had only just begun to chill out a bit when CD Roms came crashing along giving the music industry a shiny new medium on which to sell music. For a change Hollywood was quite pleased with this develiopment, and for a time it was all good.

This bubble was promptly burst a few years later with two big developments. The first was cheap CD writers coming standard with “Multimedia PCs”, while the second was a format called MP3. As we should all know by now, living this side of the millennium, before MP3s a music track was about 50MB in size, too big to share in the era of 56k modems (imagine having to wait a month for a song to download). MP3s knocked music files down tenfold making them small enough to share. The apperance of single fee tarifs for internet access (previously it had been pay as you go, 3p per minute on average), made downloading music economically viable for the end users.

If the media industries panicked when tapes first appeared, they went crazy with the advent of MP3 downloading, “file sharing” and peer2peer networks. Rather than tackle the issue at hand and create legitimate services where users could easily access the music they wanted, the music industry romped all over the trust they had built up with the fans over the years by adding Digital Rights management (DRM) to CDs to try and stop file sharing. Invariably all DRM did was get in the way of legitimate customers who had actually bought the product, preventing them from using the tracks in their MP3 players and other such devices (that were just appearing at the time).

Hollywood's campaign of calling fans criminals turned the music consumers against them. CD sales dropped while downloads shot through the roof. Meanwhile they sued every file sharing site they could find, to get them shut down. This effectively decentralized the file sharing community, making it impossible for Hollywood to destroy. For every site or service they did manage to shut down, thousands more sprang up in its place.

Rather than act in a grown up manner and embrace the new medium of the Internet, Hollywood still tries to palm their problems off onto everyone else at the slightest mention of the words “file sharing”. They forced Microsoft into putting DRM into Vista, and are trying to force ISPs to police their networks and prevent (and prosecute) file sharers. In this battle, those who are using copyrighted content legitimately (under legal fair use for example) are often caught in the crossfire. Hollywood however is loosing the battle. Every time they invent a more perverted way of stopping users from using their own content in the name of preventing piracy; the anti-piracy measures are cracked within 24 hours, by the first 14 year old to run afoul of the DRM.

Nefarious News

Bloggers have apparently toppled the monopoly the large media companies had on 'the news'. Nowadays reporters from the large news networks are much more afraid of getting something wrong than they once were. In the old days, apparently, a reporter could send back a report and even if it wasn't quite correct, that became the accepted truth anyway, after all, there was no one to challenge it.

With the rise of blogging, the Internet, global information sources, with the slightest slip in facts and a hundred thousand voices can rise up in the midst of the blogsphere to complain about the woeful injustice inflicted upon the truth. Because of this, a leading expert once said that the BBC had lost the plot, claiming that Journalists used to be sure of themselves, but are now much more aware of the many different possible viewpoints – and that apparently made them nervous. Meanwhile the large networks world wide have been closing down as many of their international field offices as possible in order to keep the short sighted corporate bean counters happy. News networks would rather report on Britney Spears et all 95% or more of the time, because quite frankly, it's a lot cheaper than going out into the world and reporting the 'real' news.

Naked News

Saving the best for last, TV studios around the world are starting up Naked News slots, because clearly people can't be trusted to take an interest in what's happening in the world without coercion in the form of beautiful newsreaders stripping off as they deliver the news. Must have been started by those crazy Japanese TV channels! Is this Keith Chegwin's revenge?

Migaloo's Back in Our Waters

Click here for more images of Migaloo the White Whale.

This white whale was sighted near Yorkey's Knob by a group of fishermen. They saw this albino giant near Pixie Reef, about 40 minutes from Yorkey Knob. Accompanying this white whale was two huge humpbacks. He was spotted on July 15, 2006, July 24, 2007, and July 22, 2008.

Frogs with Disease-Resistance Genes May Escape Extinction

Many amphibians die off around the world, but researchers at Lincoln University in New Zealand may have found certain genes that can help frog populations resist infection to save them from extinction.

New Bird Species

This bird was found on Stratton Mountain in Vermont, and caused quite a stir for scientists. The bird is thought to be a "hybrid of two species, the trush and the veery birds."

A DNA testing will reveal if this new bird species is a result of climate change. Further reading for bird lovers can be found here.

Unicorn Lives in Italy

This one-year-old deer represents the fabled unicorn, a mythological animal, and was born in captivity. He is called, you guess it, "Unicorn", for the single horn on his head, and the director of the Center of Natural Sciences in Prato believes he has a genetic defect, since his twin has two horns.

Giant Shrimp

A giant creature was caught in the Donetsk region of Western Ukraine, and scientists think that it could be related to the shrimp species. This creature can live in any watery area, including puddles, and is almost 20 centimeters long.

South American Stork

On July 31, 2008, the Louisiana Department of Wildlife and Fisheries showed these jabiru storks. They have a blocky, slightly upturned black beak, and the are shown along with wood storks, egrets, and ibis. These jabiru storks are rarely seen in the North, but are plentiful in South America.

New Manta Ray Species Discovered

Scientists discovered two new types of manta ray species. The more commonly known rays are smaller, and are more commonly seen near the coasts. The larger rays avoid human contact, and have a non-poisonous barb on their tail.

The manta rays can weigh over 4,400 pounds, and their wingspans can reach almost 25 feet.

Golden Retriever Nurses Tiger Cubs

This golden retriever adopted three tiger cubs at the Safari Zoological Park, when their tiger mother abandoned them. Isabella had just finished weaning her own puppies, and Tom Harvey, an owner at the park, put the tiger cubs in her care.

The Safari Zoological Park opened in 1989, and specializes in the care of endangered species.

Tiny Tree Shrew

These tiny pen-tailed tree shrews were discovered by researchers sipping fermented palm nectar, and "show no sign of intoxication." These creatures live in the Malaysian rainforest, and the alcohol concentration that they drink for hours every night was recorded at 3.8 percent.

"Cat Angel"

This cat has two four-inch long wings, and he belongs to Granny Feng. The owner lovingly called him a "cat angel", and complained that after being sexually harassed by many female cats in her area, her cat sprouted wings within a month.

Experts believe that this phenomenon is more likely caused by a gene mutation, and the cat can live a normal life.

Fish Pedicure

This is a new trend in spa pampering, where you can have these little carps nibble at the dead skin of your hands and feet. This fish pedicure is creating a buzz in the D.C. area, and so far 5000 people have taking part in this experiment.

These fish are called garra rufa, also known as doctor fish, and were first used in Turkey.

Rosy-Lipped Batfish

This is the quote directly from the National Geographic website. I thought you should read the comparison: "Like a marine Mick Jagger, a rosy-lipped batfish pouts near Costa Rica's Cocos Island. Batfish are poor swimmers, preferring to use their strangely adapted pectoral fins like legs to crawl about the seafloor."

Venus Comb Shell

This shell is called the Venus Comb, and it is one of the most exotic shells.

With so many wonderful and strange things around the world, these 13 items seem to speak for themselves.

Believe it or Not: Guiness World Records Sold to Ripley's

Few people know that the company behind the Guiness Book of World Records is the very same Guiness that produces the famous Irish beer - it makes sense, when you think about it. However, such trivialities are no longer a concern; Guiness has sold the rights to their world-famous book of fantastic factoids to Ripley's.

Now, it seems, all the world's most tantalizing trivia will be controlled exclusively by people who operate a museum displaying a stuffed headless chicken (except for this show, of course). Still, there is a lot to be said for the best-known book or records being in the hands of preservationist, as opposed to a bunch of Irish brewers - aka, alcoholics…

Man Arrested Masturbating at Wal-Mart

Now we know why the Smiley Face is grinning! At the Grand Opening for a new Wal-Mart Supercenter in Granby, New York, John D. Gates was observed by multiple shoppers in the act of pleasuring himself.

State Police found him sitting in the passenger seat of his 1991 Ford Ranger, lubricating his stick shift. He had not yet completed his work, though reliable sources indicate that he did manage to finish the job before he was awarded a pair of shiny new bracelets.

The booking officer was later treated for severe disgust and revulsion, being that he was obligated to fingerprint Gates.

This story quickly became a local sensation, resulting in a number of amusing (if corny) comments from the public. Here's a sampling:

“What a jerk. It takes some nerve to pull such a thing.”

“This story rubs me the wrong way.”

“They should erect a statue of him.”

“Who doesn't get excited over a new Wal-Mart?”

“POLICE RUB OUT CRIME!!!
CLEAN UP IN AISLE 7!!”

“I heard that new store is so busy that parking is at a premium, they're practically having to beat people off in the parking lot.”

“Guess he'd already been to K-Mart (say it slow & you'll get it)”

“was he parked in the handicap?”

“Too bad he didn't go to Target... he would have had something to shoot at.”

“I wonder if any other suspects had a hand in this.”

“walmart grocery department's motto - you can't beat our meat.”

“they may try to hand him a stiff sentence....but a good lawyer can get him off in court”

“I thought from the look of the place that it needed another coat of whitewash.”

“It's a good thing none of the shoppers tried to take the law into their own hands.”

“Box of Kleenex $2.25, Bottle of Lubriderm $5.25, getting caught white handed......priceless.”

“did the cop or the onlookers get in any trouble for "disturbing the piece?"”

“If I were him I'd just tell the judge he was just holding "it" for a friend.”

“This guy sounds like a real "WHACK" job!”

“Welcome to Walmart. Please help yourself”

“If you build it, they will come.”

“Wal-mart is always a satisfying experience.”

“Rumor is he had his car stereo "crankin"....
To the latest CD "release".....
From "Stroke"......”

“Veni, vidi, vici…

He came, they saw, he was cuffed.”

“Stop being so hard-on the guy.”

“The police finally charged him with pubic indecency and assault with a friendly weapon.”

“They must have seen him coming from a mile away.”

“It was obvious that he did not own stock in microsoft.”

“Say what you will, this guys has balls.”

“Cop: That's enough Mr. Gates. Put you hands behind your head. You're coming with us.”

“I wonder if it will be a hung jury”

“Obviously a hardened criminal.”

“Different strokes for different folks”

“Just had to return to this one!”

Severed Fingers in the Mail

When is getting severed fingers via post "good news"? Well, last week, US officials received a parcel that contained the fingers of five security workers who were captured in Iraq a year ago.

One family member of the imprisoned workers summed up the deep emotions nicely: “It shows that they've been alive recently.”

This is the first solid information any of the relatives have received since their loved ones went missing in November of 2006.

Happy Holidays II!

This week features one of the highest concentrations of holidays ever seen. Think those rare planetary alignments are cause for celebration? Check this out:

Monday: St. Patrick's Day

Wednesday: St. Joeseph's Day (think Italian St. Patrick)

Thursday: Vernal Equinox (End of Winter - finally!)

Friday: Good Friday

Sunday: Easter

Just like Wal-Mart, there is something for everyone! And, don't forget: the US celebrates five unforgettable years in Iraq - all this week, on your favorite news channel.

Cop Caught Stealing Wieners

A police officer from Bridgeport, Connecticut, was fired for filching franks from a vendor. Worse yet, he attempted to intimidate the sausage seller after the man complained about the frequent thefts; the police department oversees the permits for operating the stand.

But best of all - the hot-dog stand happens to be a concession booth located just outside the city's Courthouse.

The former officer is believed to be a ketchup addict, because his red-hand caught him.

Old Man Slain by Killer Robot

An 81 year-old Australian was disturbed by his family's insistence that he leave his home and move into an elder-care facility. To prove them all wrong (and, strangely, right at the same time), he spent days researching, fabricating, and assembling a robot capable of isolating a target and firing a pistol multiple times at it.

He set the robot up in his driveway and activated it. It did exactly what it was designed to do; it targeted his head, and emptied the gun into it. The robot was very well made; not a single shot missed, despite the fact that its target moved from several feet up to flat on his back while the robot fired.

Easter Warning: Crucifixion May Be a Health Hazard

There is an Easter tradition in the Philippines, as in many parts of the world, where Good Friday is celebrated by a reenactment of Christ's “Passion” - more commonly known as "the gory part of the story" where Jesus is tortured and hung up on a big wooden cross.

While the "stations of the cross" ceremony is conducted symbolically in most of the Christian world, there are places where people really love this part of the savior's tale: they go so far as to actually nail themselves to crosses.

Well, the Philippine government has, as governments are wont to do, spoiled everyone's fervorous fun. They've issued an official warning that getting nailed to a cross just might be bad for a person's health.

To help alleviate this "health crisis", they have published suggestions to help participants "stay safe". Among them: get a tetanus shot before partaking, and, of course, sterilize the big rusty iron nails before hammering them through your palms.

Woman Hides Car Keys in Cooch

Jennifer Lowry, a 38 year-old mother from the UK, has been caught driving drunk with her kids in the car before. So, this time, when she was approached by police, she hid the car keys in her "secret place" in an attempt to convince the officer that she hadn't been driving - despite the fact that the engine was still warm, and she was the only person tall enough to reach the pedals.

A strip-search revealed the keys, and Ms. Lowry eventually conceded that she had been driving, and only hid the keys because a friend had advised her that she could not be arrested if there were no keys. This friend is the same man who has made several well-known "common sense" statements, such as “They can't repo your car if you don't answer the door,” and, “They can't go after you for back taxes if you never file them.”

As Guiness's world-famous ads say: Brilliant!

Until next week, stay safe, everyone!

 

In march 1986, a tractor-trailer from Idaho caught on fire on a highway. The truck was holding a huge load of frozen French fries-were instantly cooked, and thus the world's biggest side of fries. The fire happened in Greasy, Oklahoma.

Swarms

Steve Beavers was hauling 520 beehives in June 2003 when his flatbed truck skidded on a patch of road near Claycomo, Missouri. The swerve knocked out all the hives and let out about 25 million live honeybees>

The bugs swarmed into a mobile home park, all the residents had to stay indoors for the day. Some went to the fire station and tormented the firefighters that day. When the sun dropped and the temperature so did the bees. Specialists came to gather the sleepy bugs; they scooped them up by the handfuls. One worker said there was 2 inches deep (of bees). Eventually (many hours later) they had recovered most of the bees.

Pouring Ramen

In July 1998, a tractor-trailer carrying packages of ramen noodles spilled its cargo all over the Maryland highway. Right after the spill Mother Nature added the right ingredient water. When the noodles got wet and instantly expanded all over the interstate. Workers used everything to clean it up except forks.

Chocolate road

The Pinheiros highway in Sao Paulo, Brazil, normally isn't anything special, but when a tanker truck overturned and spilled liquid chocolate over the highway, people ran for miles. They came and scooped up chocolate with their hand and ate it. Some kids stripped down to their underwear and dipped themselves in and ran around. Even though this caused a 7-mile traffic jam, one officer said, “this is the best accident ever”.

Eggs

After a small crash on March 31, 2004, about 300,000 egg came down out of a truck and oozed all over the highway in Texas. It took crewmembers over 14 hours to clean up the mess.

Dumping a load

A truck driver rode with his sleeping dog got a shock when his dog woke up, and he lost control of his truck and spilled 50,000 lbs. of toilet bowls. Even though no one was hurt there was a traffic jam for several hours.

The copper road

In March 200 an armor car spilled $4,000 on pennies (400,000)-on a freeway in Seattle, Washington. State transportation came with shovels, but shovels weren't good for picking up pennies, but someone had a good idea: they called in the street sweeping machine to suck up all the coins.